


The Cold Streets of New York City

by HeadlinesBreadlinesBlowMyMind



Category: Rent - Larson
Genre: Angst, Bad ending :))), Drug Abuse, F/M, Heavy Angst, I worked so long on this it’s lowkey sad lmao, Mimi is not dating Benny or Roger in this fic but both of the relationships are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 23:45:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17887415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadlinesBreadlinesBlowMyMind/pseuds/HeadlinesBreadlinesBlowMyMind
Summary: Mimi doesn’t have anywhere to live anymore, her only choice is to live in the streets. Naturally that has it’s consequences...





	The Cold Streets of New York City

**Author's Note:**

> Idk I got an idea for this bc I was complaining about how Jonathan Larson could’ve killed off any other character besides Angel and still made it sad.
> 
> Also I started writing this the 3rd of February so I’ve worked on it for 19 days (not every day tho I’m lazy shhh) so pls just give me some love thank u

Mimi felt such an urge to go home, sadly she didn’t know where that was anymore. If she was luck she would be able to crash at Mark and Roger’s place, that could very easily become awkward though, considering how Roger and Mimi ended things. Another possibility was finding Benny again, but to do that she would have to swallow her pride and Benny would finally see how fucked up her life really had become. Regardless, both options seemed better compared to where she was now, outside of the Cat Scratch Club smoking a cigarette. She was sitting under the giant triple X sign. It was lit up in neon red, the light hitting Mimi’s back and shining all around her, she had never seen a sign as bright at the one at Cat Scratch. 

Customers kept entering and it became hard to keep on saying she was just on her smoke break considering this was the third cigarette she had smoked in one sitting. There were too many people for her to leave unnoticed, she had been working here for so long now that people would ask for her constantly. That obviously meant money for her, which was probably her only motivation for working here at this point. On days like these she would wish she had never been involved in this business in the first place. 

Running from home at 16 was probably not the best idea Mimi had ever had, especially not when it ended up with her and Benny stumbling into each other. People that met Benny now would have never guessed that he used to be a junkie, only less than three years ago. He had introduced her to this world, they had more in common at that point, and Mimi was too young to see the darkness hiding behind what Benny considered fun. They started dating when Mimi had just turned 17, Mimi was fully aware of how messed up and wrong that was, but she needed intimacy and care more than ever. Not only that, but Benny was nice to her, he didn’t have much money back then, but whenever he got some he would use it to take care of Mimi. She was his first priority back then. Sadly their relationship didn’t last long, what do you even expect from a relationship between two junkies? They were both high or drunk more often than they were sober, and when Benny was high he would get one hell of a temper. He always meant well, but at one point Mimi just couldn’t deal with it anymore.

They went their separate ways. Benny for his better, Mimi, well, Mimi not so much. He went to rehab and it worked wonders, of course Mimi was happy for him, but it was such a bittersweet feeling. Now Benny was married to some stereotypical rich woman that doesn’t know shit about how it is not being born with a silver spoon. Allison was like the 20th century Marie Antoinette. 

While Benny’s life was turning into the best possible scenario, Mimi’s life was falling slowly apart. She tried harder and harder drugs, at one point she wasn’t even able to get hold of anything she had not tried yet. Her boyfriend was gone and now she was alone injecting heroin into her bloodstream. While Benny got engaged, Mimi got HIV. After a while everyone she worked with had realized she was only there to get money to buy even more drugs. It was probably the only place in New York City that would hire a HIV positive junkie. 

Gathering courage to walk in again, she put out her cigarette. The moment she opened the heavy doors the loud music hit her in the face, the familiar smell of alcohol and vomit followed right after. Her heart was beating hard to the beat of the music, she didn’t think it was possible, but she was even more exhausted. It was impossible to even hear yourself think with the electronic dance music blasting on the speakers over your head, that was probably the reason it was so loud. 

Mimi quickly slipped into the backstage room before someone in the club saw her. Customers were not allowed to enter the backstage area. Luckily none of her co-workers had noticed her absence either, considering how smoke breaks weren’t actually allowed. The owner of Cat Scratch was convinced people would pay less if you smelt of cigarettes. It seemed he had never even stepped foot in this own club, because most of the customers were high anyway, and they would hardly notice if one of the girls stripping for them smelt a bit off. As long as the girls had a big ass, the men watching didn’t seem to care about anything else. 

\------

Mimi stumbled up the stairs to Mark and Roger’s apartment. Her whole body was aching and it became increasingly difficult to walk up the stars. Realistically the stairs were the exact same they had always been, but now they seemed three times as big and it felt as if they had added another fifteen steps. The clock had struck 3 A.M. when Mimi left the club so she didn’t think Mark nor Roger would be up anymore. When she opened the door to the loft her assumptions were proved right. It felt weird being there without the people living her knowing about her presence. They could decide to throw her out if they saw her. Roger probably wanted to, Mimi and Roger had not really ended on the best terms. At least Mark had a heart of gold and would hopefully calm Roger down. She was only staying one night afterall. 

If all else failed she could just go to Benny anyway, Benny was the type of guy to shout his love for Allison from the rooftops, it was all just a big facade he loved to put on. Whenever Allison would leave him alone for a bit he would find some obscure way of contacting Mimi, begging her to sleep with him. Sometimes she would agree, but it was way more satisfying whenever she was able to tell him to fuck off. 

After meeting Roger, Mimi had always thought that they were meant to be, but recently she had started thinking that maybe she wasn’t meant to love anyone. She was one of those weird people that didn’t have soulmates, her and Mark it seemed. After talking to more people and getting more friends, Mimi had realized that she was a bad influence on everyone she met. Even if the world pulled a sick twist and decided that Mimi and Roger were soulmates, they would never end up together. Mimi was a drug addict that lied about being recovered, while Roger was actually recovering. The icing on the cake was probably the fact that they were both HIV positive and could die at any second. This was far from the life she expected herself getting, growing up. The older she got the more it seemed like the authors that wrote books about happily ever after had taken quite a bit of artistic license. 

She could feel her heartbeat pumping in her head. She felt as if she had just been run over by a truck. Dancing and stripping on stage at 3 in the morning wasn’t the most ideal. Roger’s couch was the cheapest and ugliest one she had ever seen, but right now it felt like sleeping on a cloud. She let her whole body sink into the pillows, letting herself rest for the first time in what felt like forever. All of the sounds from the busy New York streets slowly got more and more muffled as she drifted of to sleep. 

\------

“Hey Roger! Your ex girlfriend is sleeping on our couch,”

Mimi quickly woke from her sleep and she was pulled from her not-so-lovely dreams. Ever since she got addicted to drugs she had struggled with nightmares and night terrors. It used to bother her, not it was just something she had to deal with on the daily. 

The voice was Mark’s, he had just woke up and seemed startled to see Mimi in his apartment. He went to the apartment’s cheap excuse for a kitchen to scrape together whatever leftovers he had, to make himself something for breakfast. Mimi guessed he was going to work since he was up so early, and he usually didn’t care for breakfast whenever he was staying home. Mark only saw it as a waste of food.

Through the paper thin walls, Mimi could hear a very sleepy Roger stumbling around his bedroom. A very groggy Roger finally exited his room and came to greet Mark and Mimi. She shot up to sit on the couch, to meet his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I had nowhere else to go, it won’t happen again,”

“Whatever, but it better not,”

Roger shot back, he was grumpier than usual, which was expected considering he just found out his ex had been sleeping over without telling him.

Roger yawned and joined Mark in the kitchen. Instead of actually making a meal or simply just something to eat, he opened the fridge and took out a big carton of orange juice. Mark went to protest, but Roger just took a big chug right from the bottle, keeping eye contact with Mark. Knowing damn well it pissed him off. After he was done teasing Mark, Roger just ruffled Mark’s hair before walking back to his bedroom. 

When Mark turned his back to Mimi again she gathered all her things at the speed of light and rushed out the door. The less attention she got existing, the better. No matter what they would tell her, she knew they didn’t actually want her around. Their apartment was not somewhere she could crash at whenever she felt like it. No, she definitely needed somewhere else to stay. That would cause everyone a little less embarrassment. 

She missed her old apartment, the one under the loft. When they were dating Benny had promised she could stay there for as long as she needed for free. When they broke up the first thing he asked for were the keys to the apartment, of course he retracted his promise. His unconditional love was the most conditional one she had ever experienced. That fucking hypocrite. 

It was far from the warmest time of year. The streets were definitely not her ideal place to sleep, but it seemed like she had run out of options at this point. God, times like these made her long for a life like Angel’s. She had found Collins and they were actually happy together. They never fought or argued, only messed around and had fun with each other. A few weeks ago they had moved in together for the first time, they had each other and did not need anything else. 

Mimi had no one, she was the queen of pushing people away. Even when she wanted to be close to people, she would push them away as much as she could. Roger had been the most recent victim to this, whenever he would apologize for being a jerk to her, her instinct would kick in and she would distance herself. Now he had stopped being nice to her. Mimi was far too aware of what she was doing, but she could not stop herself. It was like someone took over control of her body for a while and all she could do was to sit back and watch. Earlier this year Roger had left for Santa Fe, he had promised her repeatedly that it was not because her her, but they both knew he was lying. Roger could sit on his ass and say bulshit about loving Mimi as much as he liked, but she would never believe him. They used to be so precious and beautiful together, but she had thrown it all away and ruined it. The fact that Roger had not relapsed while they were dating seemed like a miracle to Mimi. 

She had to find a place on the street sheltered from everyone she had ever loved, they could not see her this vulnerable and sad. She didn’t want anyone’s fucking sympathy, Mimi was getting sick and there was nothing anyone could do about it. If she could just simply drift away unnoticed, they would never realize they had already spent their final moments with her, it would save everyone a great deal of pain. April and Mimi never met, but now she finally understood why April had killed herself, without telling anyone she was suffering beforehand. She just wanted to go peacefully, without any melodramatic moment beforehand. Goodbyes are never easy. 

\------

The days passed. Mimi had gotten by from eating whatever she could find. Sometimes she would get lucky and see restaurants throwing out perfectly good food, and she would have a proper meal. Other days she had to resort to digging through actual trash and at times she was forced to starve for days. At this point it was impossible to tell how much of the weightloss was from her illness, and how much was from a calorie deficit. Mimi had stopped going to work, Cat Scratch was definitely where her friends would look for her first. The last person she wanted to see was Roger, and he was most likely trying to find her. She would probably die if she was caught digging through trash cans by Roger. 

The shelter she put up for herself consisted of two blankets. the one with the most holes was used as a mattress, and the other one she used as a normal blanket. The blankets were probably older than what she was, it was obvious considering how they looked and smelled like. Not super surprising though, since they were one of the things she had found looking through the trash. 

When she first moved out on the streets she would have the hardest time falling asleep. Now she was so exhausted that she could sleep literally anywhere. She would probably be able to sleep, even if someone was yelling, right next to her shelter. 

The less she ate the colder she got. The weather was also getting colder, it was nearing winter. Not that it mattered much, considering how malnourished she was, she would most likely freeze in 100 degree weather anyway. Whenever she found food, her stomach would hurt when she ate, and whenever she didn’t eat her stomach would still hurt. Sometimes she would even end up throwing up the little bit of food she had in her body because she wasn’t strong enough to keep it in anymore. It would dehydrate her even more than she already was, and she knew she was nearing the end of her life. 

The longer she stayed on the street the thinner she got. Mimi’s hair was already thinner and falling out. Mimi hated every single moment of this. every night she would pray that this was the last night she would spend alive. Why couldn’t just God be merciful for once and let her die. This was hell on earth, she did not want anyone to see her like this, so she could not ask for help either. She hated what she had become, her body used to be so strong. She loved dancing all around the stage at Cat Scratch, being able to bend and twist in crazy ways and making the audience cheer. Now she was weak and small, anything that tried, even just a little bit, would be able to kill her. She had become a crumbling mess, that could barely stand on her own two feet for more than 30 seconds. 

One night she stood up too quickly, her vision got blurry and she was seeing hundreds of little light spots flickering in front of her. Instead of sitting down she started walking, it was normal for her to get dizzy and weird whenever she would stand up anyway. Instead of going away the light spots turned black and expanded, covering her entire field of vision. The last thing she felt was her body falling to the rock hard ground. 

The rest of what happened that night was hard to tell. In one moment she would be laying on the ground, she was dizzy and she could faintly feel a little stream of blood running down the left side of her head. The next time she woke up she was being carried by something, more specifically someone. Maureen? How did she find her? 

Her last real memory was her laying on the dinner table in Mark and Roger’s loft. Everyone was there, Maureen, Joanne, Roger, Mark, Collins, Angel and even Benny. They all seemed so worried about her. She turned her head slightly to get a better look at Roger. His eyes were bloodshot red, he seemed to have been crying only seconds before. 

Her body warmed up, her vision turned black again, but this time she didn’t wake up again.

**Author's Note:**

> comment pls... I love attention


End file.
